Or, the lack thereof. Seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately.
For the second year in a row, I am training for the Broad Street Run, a 10 mile race in Philadelphia the first weekend in May. Prior to beginning training last year, I had never been a runner. Oh sure, I did track one year in Junior High because my mom forced me to. But I threw shot, so I got out of most of the running. And I had to do running drills for various other sports teams, but I never ran just to run. When we had to run a mile for gym class, the other girls and I walked it. I was always the slow one on the basketball court (but man could I scrap for the ball – there was a reason my 6th grade coach nicknamed me Bruiser).
I can’t recall how I found out about Team Philly last year, but suddenly running didn’t seem like such an awful idea. I decided to prove to myself and to anyone else that I could do it. I have a bunch of friends who have always waxed poetic about running, how it clears their heads, keeps them in shape, and somehow just seemingly makes them better people (my words, not theirs). I wanted to see what this was all about. I knew the opportunity to train with a coach, and as part of a team, would go a long way in helping me stick with it and not injure myself. And it worked! I made it through nine weeks of training, and when I finished my ten miles in just under two hours and twenty minutes, I cried as I crossed the finish line. It was an amazing sense of accomplishment.
Fast forward to this year.
Somehow, I just can’t get motivated to keep up with the training like I did last year. It’s so much easier to say, oh, I’ll just do that short run tomorrow, I have x, y and z I want to get done tonight. And then tomorrow comes, and it’s the same story. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still training. I’d be an idiot not to, after I paid my Team Philly membership, my race entry fee and bought my new running shoes. But the drive isn’t there. Something’s missing, and I’m not sure what. Is it that I don’t have to prove it anymore? I did it last year, I know I can do it. I set two goals for this year’s race: to run the whole 10 without stopping to walk, and to finish under two hours. I want to be motivated. I just can’t seem to find it.
It’s spilling over into other areas of my life too. It has been so hard to be productive at work for the last few weeks. At first, I blamed it on the weather getting quite warm, and all I wanted to do was be outside. The next week, I could blame it on the gross, cold, wet, drizzly weather all week. But now? It’s still sticking around, and it bothers me. While I’m not crazy busy right now, I certainly have plenty of things I can get done. But it’s so much more fun to play on facebook, or read forums that I follow, and look up new yummy recipes and food blogs. I’ve done better the last two days, but it has really been a struggle.
At home, everything is piling up around me. I have ridiculous back-issues of magazines because I have too many subscriptions and not enough time. My laundry sits in the basket, clean, until I’ve worn pretty much everything out of it. Shoes are alllll over the place. Dishes are piling up in the sink (I did a round tonight, loaded up the drying rack til it couldn’t hold any more, and the sink is STILL full! How does that happen?). Water glasses cover the end tables and coffee table. And let’s not get started on the dust bunnies that seem to be multiplying like, well, rabbits.
I am hopeful. I recognize that this is a problem, and I want to be better. I want to be more productive, I want to get things done. Now I just have to get the motivation to fix my motivation problem.